I saw my oncologist yesterday and she told me that continuing chemo will cause my body more harm than good. Based on my fatigue and quality of life, she feels it is time to rely on palliative care only. My plan has always included hospice which is where my friend Ryan spent his last weeks. We are coming to terms with this news and will make plans in the next few weeks.
Thank you for your continued offers of help and support. Right now between my parents, Brandon and Tasha (who is writing this for me now), I have all that I need and all that I have the energy to manage. I do want to thank you for continuing to send me your positive thoughts and prayers, I will continue to need those over the upcoming weeks.
125 comments:
Sending you love ��
Sending you love in abundance Tricia. xo ❤️
Sweet Trisha! You are in our thoughts and Prayers! I want to thank you for showing me how to be a fighter with class and grace, it has been so helpful in my own life! We Love you more than you will ever know! Love Bonnie, Rob and Nicholas and Jessica. You will notice I put myself first for I have adopted you as my niece, which is what I’ve always felt❤️❤️😘💐
You are a hero and a champion. You have faught the most epic battle and have done it with grace and style. Do what is best for you and know that you have a huge fan base that loves respects and supports you in all that you do.
Hugs to you and your family as you make your next move
Tricia 💕 sending lots of love, positive thoughts and prayers to you and your amazing support team. There is comfort for us in knowing you are so loved 💕 Sonia
Tricia my prayers and thoughts will continue to be with you.. know that you are the most astonishing, vibrant, loving, thoughtful, graceful, amazing person I have ever met.,you continue to inspire me every day and live my best life and battle my illnesses because life is worth it!!
Hugs to u��
I am holding you in my heart Tricia (and team❤️). I send this song your way with so much admiration, respect and love for you and your bright spirit at this turning of the tides. May it’s words and sounds soothe you. “Let love wash over you, let life wash over you gently, may peace fill you completely...” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=Amlg2Y4LlqA
Thinking of you and sending healing vibes, strength and huge hugs! You are such an incredible fighter, I am in awe of you! ��
I love you Tricia ❤️🙏🏽...
Tricia - There are no words to express how very sad we are to read your latest update. We remember fondly the fun times we had with you and your Mom in Italy. You have certainly been through more than most people could handle and you have fought this terrible disease with strength, dignity and grace. Our prayers are with you, your family and your many friends. We love you!!
Bob and Maureen ����
Dear Tricia,
Our thoughts and prayers are with you. You are incredible and we all love you very much.
You and the family are in our hearts.
Lots of love and admiration,
Mary Ellen and Bob
xoxoxoxoxo
Dear Tricia,
We send our love, kind thoughts and prayers to you and your wonderful family.
And our thanks to Tasha for being there for you. .
Love, BJ
👩Dear Tricia,
🌏You have been a presence in our lives👵👴 for so long now that we know nothing will ever change the way we are able to draw on your inspiration.🎭
🔮Thank you for letting us know what is happening for you now🏡. As you and those dearest to you👪 consider palliative care and hospice👯, we will continue to support you with our energy📿 hope🌱 and love💕. The light of your candle is burning brightly tonight🕯.
✉Love and prayers,
Louise and David
Thanks for the update. I think of you often and I just wanted to let you know that. You are one amazing lady.
Oh Tricia, your spirit and courage have always amazed me. You will remain an inspiration for me, forever.
Peace be with you,
Sara Mulatz Toth
Tricia,
I am thinking of you always and loving you. Thank you for sharing with us. Know that I am dancing all over New York City for you, my love. Xo
Mary
Tricia, you are amazing and the most special person we have ever met.
Thank you for teaching us how beautiful life is! ��
Thanks also to your lovely parents and friends who are with you constantly. ����
Sending love, prayers and strength to you...we love you! ��
Your German friends ��
Dear Tricia,
From afar we think of you! You are one amazing and inspiring person. We wish you continued strength. With love from Russia! The Archers
You have an unconquerable soul, Tricia. Sending you love ❤️ You are my hero. ����
Sending love and peace your way.
Dear Tricia,
Thank you for sharing and for being one of life's greatest blessings for us.
We are sending love and prayers to you, your Mom and Dad, Brandon and Tasha.
We love you so much!
Christine and Ron
Dear Tricia,
My heart is heavy and full of love for you and your family. I thank Tasha for being there for you and for us. You will be in my thoughts and prayers every day. We love you.
Marcia and Dennis
Tricia,
Your light shines bright in all the lives you have touched. Sending all my love.
Love,
Amy
Dear Tricia,
I am truly grateful that I was able to work with you and to learn from your amazing view on life. You are an incredibly strong and inspiring person and I feel lucky that I had the opportunity to meet you. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Andre Prasek.
You are in our thoughts and prayers, Trisha, always. You are a bright light and an inspiration.
Tricia!
You are a remarkable woman. I am in awe of your strength, determination, positivity and patience and so much more. Sending love to you and your family ❤️❤️❤
With deep gratitude for all we have shared and continue to share. May you and your family feel the warmth and love from all who care so deeply for you. Jim and Donna
Dear Tricia,
I am grateful to you for so much, not the least of which is how you have always reached out with updates at the most difficult times in your life. It keeps you close to my heart, which is full of love for you. You and your family are foremost in my thoughts and prayers.
Therese
Sending you and your family love and prayers ❤️. You are an amazing person inside and out.
Dear Tricia,
I have regularly checked your blog through the years, always with a prayer in my heart for your health and happiness. Your advocacy in the treatment of cancer, your sponsorship of events, the fundraising, the public speaking, the example you set for other cancer warriors...you have made such a difference to humanity (and especially to Albertans) while living through your own challenges. You have seen and accomplished more in your years than most who live many more decades. I thank God for your resilience, for Brandon and his boys, for your mom and dad, and for Tasha (most of us never find a friend like that!). May each day of the week be a good day. May the Lord always watch over you. I knew you were a special girl as soon as I met you, over 30 years ago. Love, Lynne Selinger
📃Just for today... CHAOS 2015, acrylic, plastic on canvas🎨
🔥"If we are lucky, we can find a few silver patterns of ceiling tiles to navigate the chaos." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments, 2018)
Brush, brush, stroke, stoke... what I love about your brushstroke analogy of life is that it continues on regardless of the beating heart but also because of it. When my life feels tiring (Ha! Always!) I think of you and the brushstrokes we put on each other's canvases and it helps me see every little step, thought, conversation, matters even if it feels like there is a mountain of things you're not able to get to. Isn't that the point? When life 'gets in the way' I am grateful for the perspective of being present for all of it thanks to you. We are always carrying lessons & love from those present and not. My favourite thing about energy is that it never dies- even science knows this. AMEN to that sister! Your beautiful, strong, complex energy is and will be swimming with all of us you've touched and those in the future that will hear your remarkable story. Ryan and his damn big mischievous smile just never goes away- thank goodness for that- just like you and your brushstrokes are always with me. Soak in the love around you.
The warmest of cosmic hugs from all of us here...
big love,
Amanda
(& Chris & Charlie & Joe & Caillie)
📃Just for today... A POTENT LIFE, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"What is wonderful is that we get to choose what our canvas will look like, regardless of the life circumstances that surround us. I'm planning to be my own version of a Jackson Pollock." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Sending you a HUGE gentle hug Tricia. Your body may be tired but your heart & spirit will always shine bright and be a source of inspiration & grace for us all - now and forever. xo
📃Just for today... BEAUTIFUL WOUND, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"... when I created this painting of the wound and scar, it's actually turned out kind of beautiful. I suppose that's the inner beauty of the wound, a natural tattoo that proves how truly resilient I am. The wound never totally heals - it changes over time, tearing, bleeding, stabbing and healing again. It's kind of like me. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today...THE BUTTER, 2016 and 2017, 2 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"Ever since my experience with the butter, I do not fear death. My only fear is not doing the things I want to before the butter comes." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Tricia, I've been coming to your blog often to see how you are doing. I wanted you to know you continue to inspire so many of us to create "more moments," and every time we use those words, I think of you. I know you are surrounded by love. I am so grateful to have known you and your incredible story.
~Phoebe Dey
Will be praying for you as you transition to palliative care. I read your story in Leap magazine (Spring 2018 issue), which I happened to come across while at my doctors office. Interestingly enough, I have just made a friend who is living in Scotland and found out she is in remission (leukaemia), but having health issues as a result of chemo. Reading your blogs will help me to understand so much more clearly how I can reach out to her.
May the Lord God bless you, keep you, and make His face to shine on you. May He grant you His peace.
Xx Sharon Foy
Love and prayers coming to you, your family and family of friends, Tricia.
Always & Forever!
📃Just for today... THE BLOG AND THE BUBBLE, 2018, oil pastel, wax crayon, watercolour, marker, acrylic and pencil crayon on paper🎨
🔥"...the one constant was the energy I received from comments, guestbook entries and just people telling me "I read your blog". The invisible love that I felt from this is difficult to measure or describe... even in my worst and darkest moments in the 21 years of this roller coaster, I have felt I was surrounded by a bubble of energy." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... MY PROTECTOR, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"We know each other well, love each other without question and can guide each other to use our minds to move from dark and scary places across to the light. While I have significant uncertainty about most things, I am absolutely sure my brother will always try to protect me. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebratiion of life moments 2018)
Tricia, you are truly an inspiration as you continue to navigate your journey making more moments for you and those that surround you. I feel blessed that I have had the opportunity to know you and your incredible family and to work with you. As I read through the messages above, it is clear that you are greatly loved and admired by so many of us. Know that you have the immense support of everyone around you and those you have touched in your journey so far. I think of you often and send my love and best wishes to you and your family
- Theresa Radwell
📃Just for today... DANKE, January 2018, oil pastel on paper🎨
🔥"Oliver became my donor because a call went out in their community for potential donors for a boy who had leukemia and needed a transplant. Unfortunately, the boy did not survive. Oliver later sent a letter to the boy's parents, offering condolences but informing them that because of their son, a woman in Canada was alive... A very noble man. An incredible family. Good friends. Beautiful sunflowers. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Tricia, Sorry to hear your news. I am praying for you and your family and please know you are responsibly for my new passion in events. Kyle and I joined and ran the marathons for you in 2009 with Team in Training that is where my love for events and running began. 35 marathons later and hundreds of events raising money for all different non profits, which brought me to my life in the states and traveling all over North America. Thanks for inspiring me to be a better person. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Guy
Dear Tricia,
We are deeply saddened to hear of your latest update, and we are so sorry you are going through this. You have been a huge inspiration to us, and we feel incredibly lucky to have crossed paths with you. We are sending positive thoughts and strength your way and hoping you may feel much comfort and support from the love of family and friends surrounding you.
Love,
Kate & Rod Craddock
📃Just for today... Qi COLOUR, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥...I breathe into and thank each of my organs for all the hard work they do... It's kind of energizing to spend a few minutes being thankful for the resilience of my organs who maintain their colour despite being repeated hit by all the treatments over 21 years. Together they really are remarkable - kind of a superhero life force. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
I am so sorry to hear of your transition to palliative care Trisha. You are such a courageous and brave women! It was such a pleasure to work with you. You will continue to be in my thoughts. - Jessica V
📃Just for today... THE ZONE, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"The angels were with me until the morning but gone once I finally fell asleep. Looking back on my time in the zone, I know that the mind and spirit are pretty powerful. If only we could all have an occasional visit from angels and buddhists, laugh, and know that they are among us. Always." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... PERFECT AIR, 2018, acylic on canvas🎨
🔥"The ocean is another world: sounds are amazing, fish and coral mesmerizing. Thw turtles clearly have been here a lot longer than us humans, and you can almost taste their wisdom. I recall meeting one and just floating with him, having a staring contest, just being. Peace. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... LOSS, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"I have learned through multiple diagnoses and other life events that all we can do is be aware of loss, to honour it, to respect it but most importantly to recognize it. No chapter can be opened without the previous one properly closed. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... NYC, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"My time living in Manhattan was like NYC is - potent and intense. Working a lot, acting.., living a lot, eating a lot, drinking a fair bit. The energy of the city made up for the lack of sleep and rest. It's hard to sit and do nothing when you know a block away there are probably 5 things happening that are amazing... It's like the song says "In New York, concrete jungle where dreams are made of, there's nothing you can't do.. big lights will inspire you.. let's hear it for New York, New York, New York"." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today...A LITTLE LOVE FROM FIJI, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"In his video, Jeff (Probst) shared some SURVIVOR moments about contestants struggling with challenges, sometimes wanting to quit but how much good resulted when they didn't. Jeff said he wanted to send 'a little love from Fiji' to supplement the support I was getting from my family and everyone around me to keep going. It was positive energy coming from the host of my favourite show right when I was in a very dark place in my life...
SURVIVOR has been a small but important part of my fight to be the ultimate survivor." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... POTATOES AND PARTS, 2018, poster🎨 and photo📷(not reproduced)
🔥"People often tell me how good I look... It's like the same phenomenon that transforms Mr. Potato Head from a bald carbohydrate to a lively, charismatic guy...
Like everyone, some days I am too tired to put on my parts and I'm happy to just rest and be a bald potato. I know people love me just the same. But if I want to, I can put on all my parts and disappear for a moment in the normal, lively and charismatic crowd." (A Visual Celebration of Life Moments: Tricia Antonini's 21: June 21/21 Years. YouTube video by Mr. Pinvidic, 2018)
📃Just for today... THE GREY, 2016, 2017, 2 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"What I hate most about the grey is the awareness of being in it - you know you're in it, you know that it's temporary, but you can't seem to clear a spot in the foggy windows to make an exit...
The key to managing the grey, regardless of where it comes from or what shade it is, is to just accept it. No judgement of your inability to resolve it... Sleep, rest and do what you need to until it passes. The grey is really just the excess of something darker inside you spilling out. So it's necessary to let the grey pass so whatever's inside you can get out. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE BLACK, March 2017, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"Life is not logical or fair. There are tornadoes, and sharks and tsunamis regardless of what you do or don't do. And it is almost certain that we and those we love will be hurt multiple times, sometimes so badly that we almost don't make it. It's never safe to assume that we've had our fair share of those attacks, and expect them to eventually dissipate... I think shining the spotlight on the darkest moments, understanding in detail how we managed to get to the edge of the water we almost drowned in, how we didn't bleed to death, how our heart managed to heal after being torn to pieces, makes us capable of surviving the next hit... And focusing on how black the black is makes the white extraordinarily more vibrant. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... ICU FOG, 2016, acrylic, marker, plastic, cotton on canvas🎨
🔥"It's amazing what they do in ICU - keep people alive long enough to try to get them over the very unstable slope of the edge of life and death. ICU patients try to 'stay present' long enough to get to the life side of the slope. And their family and friends try to survive the insanity, hope and often pray that they get to leave with their loved one alive. Everyday everybody wins some and they lose some. It's a miracle I got to leave the slippery slope. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE SCARIEST TIME OF MY LIFE, 2018, Pencil crayon, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"It was like living a real-life groundhog day (GHD) where my life would repeat every few hours for infinity. While it may not sound so bad, it actually was the scariest time of my life...
A powerful mind can be dangerous when it goes rogue, especially when it is your own mind. While GHD sounds crazy, it was my reality... I was discharged just over a week after surgery, but I didn't believe it was true until I touched the dashboard of mom's car and the nightmare stopped. I cried as we drove away, and slowly the fear began to dissolve. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
🎤Just for today... EXCERPTS, introductory remarks, Tricia Antonini's 21: June 21/21 years, 2018📹
🔥"21 is simply an experience of sharing life events: things that all of us here feel... we love, we laugh, we cry about in this little ride we get to go on as humans...
I decided to share some of my experiences with my people and hope that similarly, my people will share some of their potent lives... What I want you to do is look at the visuals..; hear a bit about my context to the visuals; look at them again; think of your own context and what it means to you; share that with others...
Everyone here is connected to me in some way. I really would like you to share with these people. It's why I shared my context, so I really encourage you to do the same." (A Visual Celebration of Life Moments - YouTube video by Mr. Pinvideo 2018)
You are such an amazing person Tricia, I’m so thankful our paths crossed in Stamford. You are such an inspiration to everyone you meet.
Amanda
📃 Just for today... CHAOS, 2015, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"Chaos is defined in the dictionary as 'complete disorder and confusion'. It pops up in our brain unexpectedly throughout life.
...I painted how I felt. Thick, rough and broken tissue, dark and ugly uncertainty. Chaos." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Thinking about you, watching the season finale of Survivor! I Love you tons Tricia❤️😘
📃Just for today... A POTENT LIFE, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"Our friends, family and experiences colour our own masterpiece. Even a few years of my life looks like a full, diverse and powerful combination. A purple heart from Tasha's friendship, multiple green, blue and black smears from the love of my parents, brother and nephews, along with thousands of spatters from so many other family, friends, random people and moments." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Hi Tricia,
I love reading all your words from the celebration of life that Louise has been posting. You have put so much of yourself into those words, and they are full of your essence and grace. You are amazing and you speak to so many hearts. You continue to have a huge impact on all of us, and you touch our lives with your love, wisdom, and courage. Thank you.
Bob I are are thinking about you all the time and send lots of love and prayers.
Love you,
Mary Ellen & Bob
xoxoxoxo
Hi Tricia 💕
I love the "A Potent Life", thanks again Tricia for the reminder that we are so fortunate to have such wonderful friends and family that surround us with love and support 💕💕 Sending love and prayers... xoxo Sonia
📃Just for today... BEAUTIFUL WOUND, 2018 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"My dad said that when he first saw my neck and chest after surgery to remove the flesh-eating disease, he cried on and off for a few hours. The first time I saw the wound, via a Polaroid picture taken by the wound care clinic technician, about three months after the initial surgery, I thought it looked like I'd been attacked by an animal... I knew why my dad had wept in the early days.
It's an absolute miracle that I survived the flesh-eating disease. So the leftover wound and scar have to be tolerated with respect. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Hello Sweetie I think about you so often. I am as always astounded by your grace and strength! You are the most amazing and strong woman I have ever met! I am sending you a huge hug and so much love. I know its a terribly difficult time ahead going into palliative, but I also know that you will handle it with your resiliency and powerful mind. I will read your blog daily now to see how you are. If you are accepting visitors outside of close family and friends, please do let me know. I love to deliver my hug in person. lots of love Kathleen
📃 Just for today... THE BUTTER, 2016 and 2017, 2 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"... I felt like I melted into a warm pool of butter - like the delicious butter you get aside lobster or crab. This pool of butter that I became was incredible. While there are no words to describe how amazing it felt - peaceful, sublime, tranquil, calm, serene come to mind. It was quite possibly the most wonderful feeling I've ever experienced. I was very tempted to remain there, in the butter." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE BLOG AND THE BUBBLE, 2018, oil pastel, wax crayon, watercolour, marker, acrylic and pencil crayon on paper🎨
🔥"I started Tricia's Tides in 2006 just after I survived flesh-eating disease... The first post was my dad's - his journal he kept while I was in the hospital... Once I was stable enough, I started posting my own updates for people who wanted to know...
Over the 10+ years since starting the blog, I've posted over 160 times - over 700 words in those blog titles, which I found out when I created this 'doodle' visual...
I have felt I was surrounded by a bubble of energy... a thin but strong soft warm bean bag bubble, that you can lie on, fall into or roll off of as you need to. Not available online." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... MY PROTECTOR, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"In the last year, my brother has protected me as I navigated a new set of attacks against my previously best weapon - my brain. Whether it was prednisone during leukemia treatment or dexamethasone after brain surgery, my brother could recognize the changes the drugs were posing for me even when I couldn't and figured out strategies to convince me across some very dangerous bridges. He's the only one I trusted to share my ideas and thoughts in those very scary moments. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Thank you for post. Maybe you are interested:
bang gia cho thue xe tai cho hang
kinh nghiem chuyen hang bang Container
chuyen hang di Campuchia
💌Dear Tricia,
🎂So, today is your forty-fifth birthday. This is yet another of those special life moments that we get to share with you across the miles🌏.
📽This morning we watched your YouTube video entitled: A Potent Life: The Tricia Antonini Story, (sponsored by the Alberta Cancer Foundation on November 22, 2017). For just 3 short minutes, you were entirely present to us in our St. Andrews home🏡. Once again, your words are powerful📃...
🔥"I have always respected the reality that we are not here on this earth forever. I really lived, even before cancer entered the picture. So my story isn't about cancer; it's about life and the moments that matter to me."
🍷To LIFE, then, with love,
Louise and David💕
Tricia, I’ve only had the good fortune to meet you on several short but precious occasions through cancer fundraisers... well over ten years ago now.
Your presence, your grace, your strength, your courage have touched so many.
Today, on this day that celebrates your birth, we celebrate you and the life you have so bravely and selflessly led. You’ve inspired countless others, in countess ways.
I’m sending you love and profound gratitude. You are and will be forever in my thoughts, serving as a pillar of strength and determination.
With love and gratitude,
Taunya
Beautiful Tricia,
We are sending lots of love out to you on your birthday. You are on our minds all the time and out thoughts are full of love.
Love and prayers,
Mary Ellen & Bob
xoxoxoxo
Happy Birthday Tricia, sending love and prayers along with birthday wishes to celebrate you, your beauty and the impact you have made on so many lives. Cheers 🥂
Dear Tricia,
Sending love to you on your birthday. You are in our hearts and in our thoughts.
Marcia and Dennis
xoxo
📃Just for today... DANKE, January 2018, oil pastel on paper🎨
🔥"I wanted to say thank you in person. In 2010 Mom and I flew to Munich, took a train through Bavaria to meet Oliver and stay with him and his family for the weekend. To prepare, I had my 'Speedy German' booklet, practicing a few sentences and words. On the ride up, I started to second-guess my plan, thinking of possible scenarios - perhaps he worried that I wanted more from him, perhaps it would be too awkward to last a weekend, perhaps perhaps. Today I can close my eyes and still see the train slowing and seeing the people on the platform through the window. There was a tall, handsome, smiling man with a cute boy who looked like Jack and Davis holding a large sunflower. I knew his son Noah was about 4 years old. Leaving the train, I was overcome with emotion as we walked towards them. All my preparation left me - all I could muster was 'Danke'." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Dear Tricia,
Thank you for sharing your strength and wisdom, and for being such an inspiration. Sending love and energy....
Ken
📃Just for today...Qi COLOUR, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"...I learned that meridians are like little maps in our body that have been travelled on for centuries in Eastern medicine, and if we can focus our mind properly, we can move our energy like a little ball of warm light through the paths, clearing unwanted items that stand in the way... basically I came to realize that the mind, body and spirit were incredibly powerful when working together. Post transplant #3 I used Qi Gong to help resolve possibly fatal typhlitus (infection where the large intestine meets the small intestine) with my own focus on, as well as requests for others to send, red and white energy." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE ZONE, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥... The usual side effects of prednisone had appeared... I also experienced a less common effect where my brain went into overdrive. I had incredible ideas, and found myself scawling and drawing them in my spare room at night. I could hear each instrument separately in songs, absorbing music fully and intensely. I didn't really sleep but 'hovered' in bed. I had almost a euphoria about how simple and straightforward the world was. It was remarkable. I quickly realized that I could only share these discoveries with my brother - he nodded with complete confidence in what I reported to him. Everyone else looked scared. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
Dear Tricia,
Sending love, daily prayers and support...thank you for painting from the inside out....
Much love,
Michele
📃Just for today... PERFECT AIR, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"The waves kept luring me in. Growing up, I used to play water polo and did synchronized swimming, so my legs are strong and I'm not afraid of the water. It wasn't long before I caught my first wave boogey boarding, and after riding it all the way in, I used the board to help me get onto my knees and then stand, turn around and walk back out to catch another one. It was pure bliss to play on my own with the ocean, to truly feel alive. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... LOSS, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"We all mourn losses in our lives. They happen. For some frequently, for others less. The form is not the focus. It is the familiar feeling when the ice flow we are standing on cracks and we must watch our former life float away. If we risk the frigid water we will lose our life completely.
...We will still be standing on the ice, but the challenge will be getting used to the new view, and trying not to wish for the old life to float back. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... NYC, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"My friendship with New York began before my roller coaster ride with cancer started...
After my initial diagnosis in 1997 I recall saying to Mom as the medical team rolled me into the radiology room to insert a central line into my chest... 'If I survive this we're going back to New York and we're stayin at the Plaza'. I closed my eyes during the insertion and visualized the twinkling lights of Manhattan from a table at the 65th floor Rainbow Promenade... In 1998 we returned - didn't stay at the Plaza but certainly at a nicer hotel. Every six months or year following that, through another relapse, transplant and recovery, we visited our friend, got our fix of NYC energy and life." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... A LITTLE LOVE FROM FIJI, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"Since 2003, I have attended SURVIVOR events each year - not cancer survivor events but instead related to the TV show SURVIVOR.
My 3 SURVIVOR friends and I have had a pool for the past 15 years, including a plaque detailing the winner...
I had just recovered from my first relapse with leukemia when we started the pool. Through multiple relapses, transplants, brain cancer and brain metastases, we somehow managed to keep our SURVIVOR fun going. Even in 2006 post ICU, my friends sent printed computer bios to my hospital room so my mom could hold them up for my consideration, to which I'd nod or shake my head and they'd be included in the draft." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... POTATOES AND PARTS, poster🎨 and photo📸 (not reproduced)
🔥"It is amazing what is now available to cover two decades of battling cancer... All help transform a person into looking healthy.
...While I know beauty is not skin-deep and I really shouldn't worry about what the outsude looks like, the reality is - cancer or no cancer - if you look normal, you feel more like yourself; and feeling more like yourself when you are standing in quicksand is a powerful thing. You can feel stronger and motivated to help yourself defy some pretty crazy odds. No sympathetic look from strangers, which can be pretty exhausting in itself." (A Visual Celebration of Life Moments: Tricia Antonini's 21: June 21/21 Years, YouTube video by Mr Pinvideo, 2018)
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📃Just for today... THE GREY, 2016, 2017, 2 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"As I am a visual person, I have often descrbed the difficult-to-describe feeling of chemo as 'the grey'...
Some days the grey is light, barely noticeable. Just a general feeling of unwell like when you are coming down with something. On its own relatively tolerable. It's when sheets of grey start to gather and layer, become a bit heavier, dragging you down, sucking the energy out of you, that they become more than a nuisance but instead an attack. Everything just seems worse than it did the hour before. Both the mind and the body are pinned down, and even the spirit is unable to pull the other two out of the thick fog." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE BLACK, March 2017, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"While I would agree with people who say I am a positive person, and that my ability to stay positive has helped me to overcome many challenges, I feel the need to articulate the depth of moments where it is impossible to be positive, or where I have felt simply too tired to live. Through the past 21 years I have felt that way - too tired to fight, too tired to live - many times. I share this because I believe it is a life reality that every person experiences, but we are encouraged to reject it, recover from it, change it, and most definitely not share it with others. Be strong. Think positive. Be grateful. And while that is so very true, actually respecting the worst minutes, hours, days of life - where we feel weakened, when we feel attacked, unable to go on, swallowed by the quicksand, gasping for air, blinded by the horror of whatever is devouring us - is the only way to improve at getting through those times." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... ICU, 2016, acrylic, marker, plastic, cotton on canvas🎨
🔥"Initially, all I could do was try to stay conscious. I focused on numbers and colours, over and over, like I'd learned in warm-up exercises at my NYC theatre sessions. The pain from the hole (which thankfully I could not see) was significant, and while the pain medication I was receiving helped, it didn't totally cover it and created a fog when it did.
This visual contains actual scribbled bits of my notes and attempts to communicate during that time. My mom and dad, brother and my friend, Tasha kept a 24-hour watch on me and tried to read and interpret what I was able to write." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📄Just for today... THE SCARIEST TIME OF MY LIFE, 2018, Pencil crayon, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"So many things supported the GHD (Groundhog Day) theory... My skepticism was endless - something must have happened to my brain and I was stuck forever... The worst part about GHD was that my family and friends would also remain in this frozen state, not knowing whether I would ever recover. Over what I believed to be many weeks, I tried multiple ways to get out of the unit by leaving, or calling friends, family and even 911, but failed. I was 100% certain that unless I could get out of Unit 11 and 'reset' my brain, I would need to die before continuing in this state." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... EXCERPTS, introductory remarks🎙, Tricia Antonini's 21: June 21/21 years, 2018📹
🔥"So, lastly, what I want to do is share what this '21 thing' is... Firstly, it is not an art show. It is not an art show...
The visuals, the writings and words you will see and hear are not meant to be all lovely. They are actually meant to be ugly, some of them. And I hope you don't like several of them. They are just truthful. That is what they are...
It is simply an experience of sharing life events..." (A Visual Celebration of Life Moments - YouTube video by Mr. Pinvideo 2018)
📃Just for today... CHAOS, 2015, plastic on canvas🎨
🔥"... I lay there in the dark, the cold goo on my chest, and started to turn my mind to the suspended ceiling above... What I have learned over the years of being in this position, staring up at them, waiting for some important and possibly awful news to return to the room, is that there is actually a pattern in the tiles. It often takes a few minutes to find the pattern but I have become good at it with practice... The analysis shifts the brain from the chaos it was thrown into, to a treasure hunt on the ceiling, a safe game to play instead of swirling in the scary disarray of unanswered questions." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2019)
📃Just for today... A POTENT LIFE, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"I believe that we are all canvasses walking around in life, and the degree to which we engage the moments of life determines how potent our canvas becomes...
It matters not how big the paint spatter is. Saying a few words to a stranger in an elevator, traveling to places we dream of that we really can't afford, or really talking to our family and friends when we see them contributes to the potency of our life. Time is not as important as making bold and interesting choices. We can be a Jackson Pollock in a few short years or have a very blank canvas after 85 years." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... BEAUTIFUL WOUND, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"... it's been an endless wound that has been a royal pain in my ass for over 11 years. It was on its way to fully healing after a few releases of the healing scar by my plastic surgeon, but after I fell backwards in 2009 the skin graft fell apart and it's been somewhat open ever since. While it looks angry and sore, it actually doesn't hurt. It looks worse than it feels...
In the fall of 2017 the doctors made an ambitious but failed attempt to insert a port in the midst of all the battered tissue. It traumatized the wound a bit and it again changed shape, depth and colour." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE BUTTER, 2016 and 2017, 2 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"I was very tempted to remain there in the butter. But something made me think of my exercises and the life that they had been keeping me connected to. Somehow I managed to focus back on them. The butter evaporated and I returned to the room - to the beeping sounds of machines, the tubes in my mouth and nose and, the pain." (Tricia Antonini- A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE BLOG AND THE BUBBLE, 2018, oil pastel, wax crayon, watercolor, marker, acrylic and pencil crayon on paper🎨
🔥"It isn't a blog like many are these days - I haven't become a social media celebrity from it. It was however a really easy way to keep a lot of people updated on how I was doing with minimal effort...
... Usually no news was good news. Some of my posts were health updates, many were positive, some were not. Most shared a little bit of the learning and perspective I gained in the previous weeks." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... MY PROTECTOR, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"When leukemia surfaced in 1997, my brother came to the hospital and was ready to take the attacker on. The inability to slam something into the wall was finally resolved when he turned out to be a 100% match for bone marrow for me, despite only a 1 in 4 chance for a sibling. So he took on 4 days of big needles and flu-like symptoms and donated his stem cells on November 27, 1997 via an intravenous port inserted into his jugular vein. In 2008 he did it again for my third transplant, and the leukemia has not made a sound since." (Tricia Antonini- A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... DANKE, January 2018, oil pastel on paper🎨
🔥"It seemed impossible to imagine what to say to a perfect, nameless stranger who had literally saved my life. Nevertheless I crafted a letter, had it translated and sent it off. Eventually we connected by email, and Oliver sent a photo of himself while donating - hooked up to the familiar apheresis machine that we'd seen when Brandon donated. Smiling, wearing jeans and apparently healthy and happy. Quite incredible to see." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📄Just for today... Qi COLOUR, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"According to the Oxford dictionary, Qi is 'the circulating life force whose existence and properties are the basis of much Chinese philosophy and medicine'. I'll admit I'm not as diligent now with practicing Qi Gong as I should be. Perhaps in creating this visual and writing I will be reminded of what benefits are possible with the daily 10 minutes it takes to do a 'small circle' exercise and get back to it." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
💌Dear Tricia,
This June 12th anniversary has certainly crept up on us!👴👵. Eleven years ago today⏳, during your third bone marrow transplant💉, Brandon donated his stem cells to you for a second time🌱. And, as you yourself wrote, "the leukemia has not made a sound since".🙏
We know that you still honour that life-saving encounter in 2008💕 as one that freed you to go on and add lots more paint to your own canvas🎨. Eventually you were inspired to include it as part of your description of MY PROTECTOR,(2018, acrylic on canvas) in your visual celebration of life moments on June 21, 2018🎭. Thank you again for sharing that unique experience with all of us🎁.
🔥Today you are the Jackson Pollock you planned to be and this moment will always belong to you👩 and Brandon👨. To LIFE , then...🍷🍷
💕With love,
Louise and David
📃Just for today... THE ZONE, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"...I looked up and saw a crowd of angels in front of me. I was obviously surprised. They were dressed in little white gowns, holding bells in their hands. I recognized the front row of them... There were several rows behind them, faces I didn't recognize. They were all smiling and they nodded, laughed and rang their bells when I asked them 'are you angels?' When I asked about the unfamiliar faces in the back rows, they said 'Oh those are people praying for you - friends of friends'. And rang their bells." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... PERFECT AIR, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"If NYC saved my life, then Maui restored it...
On our first trip down to the beach, I couldn't get on to the sand without help from my parents. But once there, the crashing waves, blue sky, warmth of the sun, and the occasional sand crab tirelessly digging his home out merged into some magical healing energy. I could sit for hours without even flipping a page of my book and be content...
Three weeks of beach therapy and turtle treatment, supplemented by delicious food, drinks and island hospitality... really accelerated my recovery. By the time we left the island I could get onto all fours and stand up on the beach on my own. (Tricia Antonini- A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... LOSS, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"The losses can seem small or big. But the loss of what seems small or big to others - hair, a boyfriend, a position at a job, a spouse, a friend, financial stability, health - is all certainty transformed into uncertainty without notice. In most cases, unfair. In all cases, we will survive it." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments, 2018)
📃Just for today... NYC, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"Beyond energy, NYC also literally saved my life. My untimely second relapse with leukemia popped up in July 2006... After surviving the flesh-eating disease and its effects back in Calgary I returned to NYC in summer 2007 - my NYC doctors, puzzled by my resilience, shared information about a new clinical trial for relapsed leukemia patients. After some tough decisions, legal gymnastics and a LOT of work by Dr. Brown at Tom Baker in Calgary and Dr. Young at Memorial Sloan Kettering (MSK) in NYC, eight months later on June 12, 2008 I had an unprecidented third transplant using MSK's experimental protocol and (once again) my brother's cells. Things on the leukemia front have been quiet ever since." (Tricia Antonini -A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... A LIITLE LOVE FROM FIJI, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"A few years ago, my cousin managed to secure 4 tickets to the live finale in Los Angeles for me. My SURVIVOR friends and I spent a spectacular weekend in LA, staying at the Chateau Marmont, dining amongst celebrities and enjoying a limo to the live finale. We got to show our (winner's) plaque to producer Mark Burnett, who quite enjoyed the numerous blank spots ready for future years of the show. What a weekend...
The LA weekend, my friends, enjoying some fun and Jeff's video ('a little love from Fiji') meant more to me than this whimsical visual shows." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... POTATOES AND PARTS, 2018, poster🎨 and photo📸 (not reproduced)
🔥"The impact of two decades of treatment and complications has, not surprisingly, taken a toll on my physical state...
I credit... compliments to medicine, the power of a positive attitude, but also to PARTS. Exceptional wigs, effective make up, lazer eye surgery, reading glasses, walking cane and portable wheelchair, barely-visible hearing aids, silicon neck bandages, stylish flat shoes, prosthetic breasts and creative scarves all help transform a person into looking healthy." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE GREY, 2016, 2017, 2 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"From the beginning, when I first started chemo many years ago, people always want to know how you feel while doing treatment, and besides the tangible descriptors of nausea, fatigue, headache or hair loss, there is an overriding cloud-like haze that swarms you... 'the grey'." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE BLACK, March 2017, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"I used to believe or possibly hope that life was overall fair, that times of darkness would be equalled by timmes of light, that justice would be served - not necessarily immediately, but by the end that it in fact would balance out. I don't believe this to be true any more. Life is not logical or fair." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
✉Dear Tricia,
📅A year ago today, you were surrounded by family and friends💕 in Calgary at your visual celebration of life moments🎨. The YouTube video💻 of that unique gathering brings your words to life again...
🔥"Thank you for joining me tonight for 21. I never thought I'd say that! This really is an exciting night for me... This event is really as close to my wedding as we're going to get... "
💙You made us laugh then and we're smiling again today👴👵 as we send anniversary greetings your way👰 and raise yet another toast to LIFE🍷🍷.
🕯Love you always,
Louise and David
Sending you love and light! Thinking about your tremendous visual display, your grace and your talent. I am sending love to your beautiful shining heart. Lots of love Kathleen
📃Just for today... ICU FOG, 2016, acrylic, marker, plastic, cotton on canvas🎨
🔥"Mom posted a picture of me in my ICU room, looking normal, happy and healthy, to remind the medical staff of the living person I was, not this septic, swollen tubed-up body hooked up to machines... Contrary to what my parents had been told, I left the ICU fog about two weeks after arriving, was transferred back to Unit 57, the bone marrow transplant unit, with a long way to go in healing but alive." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE SCARIEST TIME OF MY LIFE, 2018, pencil crayon, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"When I entered Unit 11 (neuro ward) on April 15, 2017, I was assigned to a room with a roommate. It was almost impossible to accept that I was there because I had 5 tumours lurking in my brain. While I waited for the neuro team to come up with the best plan, I did laps around the unit and ate as much food as I could to keep as strong as possible... During my laps, I noticed the unit had two distinct sides to it. There were frequent changes on the unit - I had about 6 different roommates during the week or so that I waited for surgery. My laps confirmed that the rooms on the 'scary' side were for patients much sicker than those on the 'good side'. On the scary side, there were glass walls and doors, and no clocks, televisions or washrooms in those rooms." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... EXCERPTS, introductory remarks🎙, Tricia Antonini's 21: June 21/21 years, 2018📹
🔥"... and I can't really say anything more than Tasha, Tasha and Tasha. You all know who she is. She has been working on this for months - years really." (A Visual Celebration of Life Moments YouTube video by Mr. Pinvideo 2018)
📃Just for today... CHAOS, 2015, acrylic, plastic on canvas🎨
🔥"About 11 months after my mastectomy surgery, I had an ultrasound to check a 'spot' that I had noticed on my chest... The very young technician went about her work with the gooey wand and tried to navigate my desert chest with care. She paused and asked me, 'when did you notice this spot?' 'About three weeks ago' were the words that came out, while my brain started a few cartwheels, wondering why she would ask that, what was she seeing. She told me she needed to talk to her supervisor and left the room...
... When the radiologist entered the room with the technician, she quickly told me that there was no issue, that the spot was a rib and I could wipe the goo, get dressed and head home. The roller coaster was over for now. But I was angry for being thrown on the rocky ride yet again. I felt some thin relief like when you narrowly avoid a car collision but still feel like you were hit by something." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... A POTENT LIFE, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"Many of you know that I love art and particularly a Jackson Pollock style of art. Large canvasses with thick and plentiful splatters of paint layered on top of each other. Some splatters obvious and some just a small drop barely noticeable. Abstract enough that it is hard to articulate why it is a masterpiece." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... BEAUTIFUL WOUND, 2018, acylic on canvas🎨
🔥"It costs more than it hurts as well. The expensive silicone bandages needed every day for years to ensure the skin around the reopened area was not damaged were not covered under any health plan or deductable as a health expense for tax purposes. It's kind of ridiculous given the bandages are for something I had no control over, not elective surgery, but flesh-eating disease, likely from infection of my central line which had been inserted for leukemia. Really? (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 20l8)
📃Just for today... THE BUTTER, 2016 and 2017, 2 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"... I used various strategies to 'stay present' in the room. To focus away from the pain that I felt and stay conscious. Some of them were from my NYC theatre company classes, where we would warm up before putting up the scenes by lying on the floor and visualizing colours and numbers. You concentrate on seeing the number 1 in a specific colour, then you move to 2 in another colour, repeating until you reach 11 then coming back down one by one to 1. All this concentrating helped remove my focus from the pain of the hole in my neck and chest, the frustration of the tube in my throat, oxygen in my nose, and inability to communicate. (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE BLOG AND THE BUBBLE, 2018, oil pastel, wax crayon, watercolour, marker, acrylic and pencil crayon on paper🎨
🔥"They(people) could read, they could comment, sign the guestbook, all at a safe 'germ free' distance for me... 'prayers, thoughts, beads, love'... sent from 'friends of friends' and 'friends and family of family'... a bubble of energy." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... MY PROTECTOR, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"I've always been close to my brother and he's been my protector since breath one. Three school years ahead of me with broad swimmer shoulders, Brandon could always be counted on to scare anyone away if need be...
... While we had a few normal moments of older brother torments younger sister (and vice versa), mostly we have always had a connection that is difficult to describe." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
🍁📃Just for today... DANKE, January 2018, oil pastel on paper🎨
🔥"We were greeted at their beautiful Bavarian house in Oettingen of Bayern by his wife Judith and their youngest son Jonah, standing on their doorstep. A drawing of a Canadian flag, a red balloon and 'Welcome Tricia' sign were marked... All of my fears of various scenarios evaporated as this amazing family welcomed us into their home and their lives. It was like I'd known them all my life." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... Qi COLOUR, 2018 acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"I learned that each organ has a colour: lungs and large intestine are white, heart and small intestine red, liver green, pericardium (sac around the heart) violet, kidneys blue and stomach, gallbladder and spleen yellow." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... THE ZONE, 2018, Acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"I chatted with the angels for several hours, and they told me some truly incredible things - some amazingly good and some terrible and scary. There was even music - Joan Osborne's 'What If God Was One Of Us' and George Michael's 'Faith' were in the mix. I asked several times if I was going crazy, to which the angels just laughed. There was a lot of laughter." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
📃Just for today... PERFECT AIR, 2018, acrylic on canvas🎨
🔥"... we'd watch the sunsets from our balcony. The wind always died down, the temperature became nearly unnoticeable, and the palm trees transformed into silhouettes standing proudly against a golden sky. Perfect air." (Tricia Antonini - A visual celebration of life moments 2018)
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