Summer blooms

I'm sure all my Canadian friends and family would agree that summer days slip away so much faster than the winter ones.  I just came inside from sitting on the deck with mom and dad after having dinner out there.  Love that perfect air.

On the health front, I had my appointment with Dr. Stewart, the breast oncologist, last Monday.  First on the task list from that visit was look at the rest of my body for possible metastases - bone scan and CT of chest, abdomen and pelvis.  Both were scheduled quickly - one Thursday and one yesterday. Will review the results when I see Dr. Stewart again 2 weeks from tomorrow.  From that appointment I also learned that the chemo I had post mastectomy surgery wouldn't have covered the brain as the blood-brain barrier would protect the brain from those chemicals.  So likely the cells that caused the tumours in my brain have been around since before the mastectomy.  Apparently they only see maybe 1 of those cases a year (rare is a 4-letter word sometimes). Doesn't change the plan forward but does answer some questions I had.

So some more waiting - 2 weeks for the "beyond the brain" picture and about 2.5 months for the brain picture.  I had some new side effects creep up this past week - muscle spasms in back and neck - that impacted my sleep considerably.  I now have another medication and a few other tricks to mitigate but it derailed my week a bit.

Outside of that, I was able to have a few more visits with some friends and family - including an awesome unexpected coffee with my cousin Sonia who was in town, an ice cream with Tasha and her family to celebrate her birthday, and watching Davis and Jack at one of each of their soccer and ball hockey games. I'm making some plans for the next 2.5 waiting months to get stronger mentally and physically and to live as fully as I can within energy (and budget!) constraints.  My family continues to provide me with incredible care (and friendship) and the support, energy, thoughts and prayers from so many people constantly fuel me.

June 21 also came and went, marking 20 years from golf day 1997 when this whole cancer story started.  Rather insane what has happened since then, and rather remarkable that I'm still alive and living life considering all of that.  I received a beautiful flower delivery (above) on Friday - this year's golf day at PwC. 2 PwC partners sent it - Scott drove me to the hospital and Dave was in my golfing 5-some back in June 1997.

Beautiful flowers, beautiful people, beautiful life.  Cheers.  Tricia

Beyond the Brain

June 11. Tomorrow marks 9 years since my third transplant. (A shout out to Louise for the incredible June 12 customized congrats card!) Seems longer ago and yet like it was yesterday. And still it's not been 2 months since the latest book in my roller coaster series started. Time is so strange. Surreal.

Once again, the week has included progress and challenge of different forms.  Continued improvement in my walking.  No increase in intensity of headaches. Dr. Kelly was quite pleased with how my head has healed since surgery and my overall recovery from the surgery and radiosurgery.  I got a copy of the pathology report - a bit daunting to read explicitly the nature of what was removed from my brain.  Beyond the size, confirmation that the tumours are rather aggressive metastatic breast cancer,  Until we see the MRI in late August, there is no certainty as to whether there are further metastases or if there are any more. For now, the plan for the brain is in wait mode.

Which means now the focus shifts to the "beyond the brain" reality.  Metastatic means the breast cancer travelled outside of the breast, and while it screamed loud enough in the brain in April, it could have travelled anywhere else the blood runs.  So a week tomorrow I have an appointment with my original breast oncologist Dr. Stewart, who led my post-mastectomy chemo treatment plan two years ago.  I'll find out what will be done to assess the rest of my body for metastases and further related steps will be needed to treat and/or monitor.

In the interim, days evaporate. I am not challenged with what to do with my time - boredom is not a feeling that I am even close to enjoying yet.  Between medical appointments, I perhaps have enough energy to schedule an occasional visit with a friend.  A nap is required before and/or after. Getting dressed and assembling all my parts for the visit is also exhausting. Mom is still living with me 100% of the time - we rotate between my condo and mom and dad's house, and deal with related logistics like groceries and laundry for the 2 locations.

I want to again thank everyone for the continued waves of amazing support.  It is incredible I am doing as well as I am coming out of this first phase of the fight. As my physical "brain" phase pauses, I now enter the uncertain "beyond the brain" phase.  The reality is there is a lot of uncertainty. I also now have the capacity and challenge to try to process what has actually happened in the past 2 months.  I really haven't had the chance to digest all of this.  I've been in fight mode as things went so rapidly since April 15.

As my writing "The Black" (which I wrote at the end of March, BEFORE this diagnosis) suggests, I will reflect on how I managed to survive the past 2 months of quicksand, learn from it, and be ready for the next hit.  I also need to figure out anything I really want to do and do it. Everything I spend my limited energy on will have to be only what is good for me and no one else.  I have to respect that while I am holding my own, this fight is far from over.

Tricia