Life continues to surprise me. A year ago, I had uncertainty about pretty much everything...the clinical trial third transplant had not been approved yet, I didn't how much longer my remission would last, I didn't know if I would ever return to a "normal" life living on my own, working and thinking about - non-cancer things.
A year later, I am less than two weeks away from starting back to work part-time, I feel better physically than I have in 4 years, and have even been shopping for a new place to live! Mom and Dad have really been incredible roommates, but getting my own spot is another step towards the life I had.
The past few weeks have evaporated, filled with "living life" activities, and only a few "fighting to live life" activities. Aside from regular bloodwork and a few appointments at the hospital, my days have been filled with the good stuff...lunches and coffee with friends, painting acrylic on canvas, and shopping for condos. I've felt almost a strange deja vu feeling lately, as I seem to recognize pieces of my previous life. It's a fantastic strange feeling and I am so grateful to experience it.
In the spirit of optimism, I even saw the musical Annie the other night with Tasha. My grandma Gunn, living proof that a positive attitude can help you survive even the most testing situations, gave me tickets for Christmas. When I was growing up on McGill Place in Regina, I set out to direct Annie, casting Kyra Wacker next door as Annie, Trevor Holowka from across the street as Daddy Warbucks, and Karen Milliken as Miss Farrell. On regular schooldays, I (as Pepper) improved Annie scenes with my cousins Holly and Heather (Annie and Molly respectively). I never realized until watching the musical the other night just how much Annie's story related to my own...the hope for tomorrow and maybe what may come has been my mode of operation for the past few years! The red curls in her hair are definitely where we differ...:)
I continue to cherish today, but I am looking forward to the tomorrows of the coming weeks and continuing to spend less time fighting to live and instead just live...
7 comments:
Dear Tricia,
Overjoyed to hear that you are feeling better than you have in 4 years and that you are "living life" more than struggling to live. It is so wonderful to hear. So much is in the air for you, with condo shopping, preparing to go back to work, painting, etc. Every day I think of you and send you tons of love.
Hugs!
Barb
can't wait to check out your future new pad!
In October I was thinking about how much stronger you have gotten. October 2007, struggles to finish 5km. Frbruary 2009 better then ever!
Hi Tricia,
Knowing you are feeling better than you have in 4 years sure raises my spirits. Knowing of all your upcoming "living life" activities also raises my spirits. You go, Girl.
I loved your stories about "Annie" now and "Annie" as you directed it years ago. What fun! I'm taking Grace-Anne to "Annie" on Saturday, and I'm sure I'll see Holly & Heather in the respective roles. Wish I had seen your rendition, back in the day!
Lots of love,
Mary Ellen & Bob
Hi Tricia!
We all take the fact that we can work for granted obviously.... it's great that you are feeling so wonderful and are looking forward to going back.
Happy condo shopping, you must be very excited!
:)
Love Sonia
Dear Tricia,
Congratulations on your return to "living life" activities. And best wishes on your return to work. We continue to shower you with hope and prayers. Way to go!
love, BJ
Again and again ,I love reading you.You are so inspiring.
I am so glad that you used all your energy to rebuilt your st body strong and that now you are ready to live your life...
A great "NORMAL" life.That we so often take for granted.
All this is so wonderful and somewhat surreal.
You deserve every minute of
of this thing we call LIVING.
I'm so so thrilled to watch you go on and on and on.
What a story,what a life....
You so deserve it all !
We are so happy for you.
Go for it dear Trisha.
Sending all our love ,
Thinking of you ,always,
Dominique and George
As much as life continues to surprise you, Tricia, YOU continue to surprise us. This latest posting overflows with news, insight and inspiration.
We are so grateful that you are able to take us into a world that we do not experience first-hand. You help us grow in understanding and empathy.
. . . It actually "hurts" to realize that thoughts of cancer are so prevalent for some people that they experience a new-found freedom in finally being able to think about "non-cancer" things.
. . . The distinction you make between a "fighting-to-live-life activity" and a "living-life activity" increases our own awareness of the gap that must exist between the terror of the one and the pleasure of the other.
. . . When you speak about cherishing today while entertaining hopes for tomorrow, we get a sense of the balance you have had to find in living with cancer. It is remarkable that nothing of today is wasted while you hang onto the promises of tomorrow.
. . . Thanks, too, for describing the inspiration that your Grandma Gunn still provides for you. Good for her! As we age, perhaps we teach others more by who we are than by what we can or cannot say.
We are thrilled that you are feeling well enough to go back to work, Tricia. We hope you find a nice place of your own, close enough to grace your former roommates with your frequent presence in their lives. You will undoubtedly know how to find the balance between independence and inter-dependence.
Our energy and prayers go on supporting you every day, Tricia. For now, though, we simply celebrate the miracle that is YOU. Cheers!
Lots of love,
Louise and David
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