April Showers

We've had some busy days since the last update with continued assessments, tests and the struggle to keep all checks in balance.  Tricia has had increasing physical activity which has been great to see.  She has gone from taking her first steps a couple of days ago, to now walking a few laps around the ward.  Her medical team are always measuring fluid intake, watching drug interactions and of course trying to ensure she gets enough rest.  

As most of you who have ever been hospitalized know, achieving the resting state is very difficult. Tricia is a seasoned and experienced patient, but this recent stay has been very trying.  Visitors are still not “what the doctor ordered” just yet, but we hope that should change once the routine slows down a bit.  

Tomorrow starts a new week and a new month and we expect Tricia will have some sunnier days ahead.

Post Op Update

A few days have passed since the last post so I thought it was time for a quick update to our friend and family supporters. Since Tricia returned to the ward after her long surgery it has been difficult for her.  Her recovery will require a great deal of strength and courage on her part. Tonight she is receiving a blood transfusion to replenish that lost in surgery. The neurology team continues to be pleased with her postoperative condition and progress which is comforting to hear.

Tasha, Lui, Brandon and I are sharing hospital time these days with Tricia to provide extra eyes and ears.  She has had difficulty getting the rest that she needs for recovery and healing.  Hopefully with the new blood and needed rest her body have a chance to recover and strengthen.

We continue to be encouraged and moved by the love and support from so many! 

 

Marie

Focus on Rest & Recovery

Our rockstar Tricia had a long surgery well into the late night and is now back in her ward where they can help her focus on recovery.  She needs a lot of rest in the next few days so won't be able to have any visitors, but we will read your blog comments to her when she's up for it.  Your continued positive thoughts & prayers are making a huge difference to her and us. 

Keep the Positive Thoughts Coming!

Just a quick update from Tasha. 

Tricia was ready for surgery today.  She couldn't eat or drink in case they called her up and she sent me a text saying "I don't care about starving just would love to do this today". 

I just got word that she is on her way to the OR and she asked that I post this so you could all please continue to send your positive thoughts her way during the next several hours.

Once she's in recovery, I will provide anther update.  We all thank you so much for your amazing support!

Surreality of a week.

Waking in my room this morning there is some sun coming thorough the window. Similar to last Saturday morning but entirely different. It wasn't even a week ago I learned of the 5 tumours in my brain yet in many ways I feel like it's been a month. Life is so strange.

Before I run out of energy - update is that two of the large tumours in the cerebellum will be surgical removed after this weekend, likely Tuesday (timing is never 100%) Maybe a third smaller one that's close by. That will entail cutting into my skull to open it up, removing bone and tumours and then sewing various things back up. It's a craniotomy although your google searches will result in many inaccurate results ;) Approximately 4-8 hours depending on complications - infection, bleeding, stroke, spinal fluid leak age, death etc. Any such surgery involves risks - mine are slightly higher given my spotted past issues. Good news is the surgical, nursing, internal medical teams are all amazing so best we can do. I have one more consult with anesthesia and will be doing some pre-op medication switches for safety.

If all goes well recovery will be several weeks before they can then can do another scan and hit the remaining smaller tumours with focused radiosurgery or as I think if it as the snipers. The one closest to my brain stem is the most positionally a problem as so much goes on in that section.

In all my other fights w cancer I have used my brain extensively not only to stay positive but to actually fight and visualize the cancer leaving. Its different now - any rapid thoughts cause me stress that these foreign masses will shift grow or change before we can get to them. So I have been really trying to keep calm. The steroid medication seems to be managing swelling symptoms so I just have to pray that continues until surgery.

Virtual love, prayers, thoughts and support from everyone continues to be an indescribable bubble of energy keeping me going so I graciously ask for more in coming weeks as things get very scary for me. I will conserve my energy on individual responses but each drop of love I read is truly appreciated.

And please do something joyful this weekend, laugh extra hard, and appreciate the mundane.

T

A little ray of sunshine

Tricia enjoyed a bit of fresh air & sunshine out front of the hospital.  Thanks again for all of your support!   Tasha & Marie

 

Planning the best path and Thanks

Last night and today I met my surgeon Dr. Kelly who reviewed my MRI scan in detail. 5 tumours - various places, various levels of challenges.  The full team will review my file tomorrow and then propose a plan considering several factors. Also had a visit from Dr. Brown my lead transplant doc so all hands are on deck to determine the best path. Medication is continuing to help keep my symptoms stable giving time to properly consider options. My need to rest and keep my brain calm continues to be top priority so I appreciate your respecting that and providing such incredible virtual love and support instead.

Tasha and my mom will likely provide quick updates here going forward as I wind down my response efforts to conserve energy. Know that I am completely in awe and fuelled by your thoughts, prayers, comments and love regardless of whether you receive a response. Gracias, Danke, Merci, thank you, Grazie.

Love to all

Tricia

Surgery on hold

Quick update for ow. MRI yesterday has confirmed now four tumours. One is very large and complicated so several medical teams need to consult over what will be best the course of action. It seems that surgery won't be today or tomorrow until decisions are made. Continue to take medications for the swelling and get other consultations and rest in the meantime. Overwhelmed by the outpouring of support from all ends of the earth - please know how much I appreciate it. Stay tuned.

Tricia

An unfair ask and the black

I would have written in this post about my awesome trip to Maui and the business of life non-health related for the past few months, because that's what it's been.  But instead I am doing a very brief post to update you on yet another health development that I did not see coming. 

I'd had some headaches that got worse in the last few days and after a call into our Health Link system, came into Emergency yesterday to get it checked and within a couple of hours found out that I have several tumors in my brain.  I quickly was admitted to the Neurology Unit at Foothills and have had lots of tests since and will likely likely undergo 1-2 surgeries this week, the first likely happening tomorrow.  I don't know much more and I'm just trying to process this myself as are my close family & friends and all of you will be doing that too now I'm sure. 

At this point, I'm trying to get things organized because unlike the other four times I've gone through cancer, my mind has been one of my strongest assets and survival strategies, but I don't know what capacity I'll have to do that this time.  Tasha has helped me do this posting and between her and mom they will try to provide quick updates here as the days unfold. 

I know that this is a brief update and all I can unfairly ask is for you to continue doing what you've been doing for almost two decades, which is sending whatever you can send and have been sending - prayers, energy, support.  I need to ask you not to try and visit at this point - I need to rest to put myself in the best position possible for the coming days.  You can instead support virtually through the blog and messages if you like. It seems to have worked until now and I need it more than ever this time. 

As I think I mentioned, I have been working on a body of work of paintings to try and share my experience with the rollercoaster and writings to go with them and I've made some progress, not knowing what lies ahead.  I thought I would share something I wrote, ironically a couple of weeks ago, that I thought was important and articulates how I'm feeling now.  Maybe some of you will relate in your own experiences and even in reading this, how you might be feeling now.  I've pasted it below, it like all my other writings is in draft, but it seems like today we can't perfect the drafts before we share.

Much love and thanks,

Tricia

The Black

While I would agree with people who say that I am a positive person, and that my ability to stay positive has helped me overcome many challenges, I feel the need to articulate the depth of moments where it is impossible to be positive, or where I have felt simply too tired to live. Through the past 21 years I have felt that way - too tired to fight, too tired to live - many times. I share this because I believe it is a life reality that every person experiences, but we are encouraged to reject it, recover from it, change it, and most definitely not share it with others.  Be strong. Think positively. Be grateful. And while that is so very true, actually respecting the worst minutes, hours, days of life - where we feel weakened, when we feel attacked, unable to go on, swallowed by the quicksand, gasping for air, blinded by the horror of whatever is devouring us - is the only way to improve at getting through those times. I used to believe or possibly hope that life was overall fair, that times of darkness would be equalled by times of light, that justice would be served - not necessarily immediately,  but by the end that it in fact would balance out.  I don’t believe this to be true any more.  Life is not logical or fair.  There are tornadoes, and sharks and tsunamis regardless of what you do or don’t do.  And it is almost certain that we and those we love will be hurt multiple times, sometimes so badly that we almost don’t make it.  It’s never safe to assume that we’ve had our fair share of those attacks, and expect them to eventually dissipate. I don’t think that’s how it works. It doesn’t make sense but that’s the point.  I think shining the spotlight on the darkest moments, understanding in detail how we managed to get to the edge of the water we almost drowned in, how we didn’t bleed to death, how our heart managed to heal after being torn to pieces, makes us more capable of surviving the next hit.  No matter how many times we are hit.  And focusing on how black the black is makes the white extraordinarily more vibrant.