So this will be short but likely not so upbeat as I don't have a lot of energy left from the day. The basic result of my oncology appointment is that the chemo part of this equation is a lot more important than I expected it to be - without it the risk of the cancer returning is about 50/50 so starting some solid chemo within 60 days of surgery is a must have. Dr. Stewart knows my history and me personally very well, yet considering the risk and my vacation plans, allowed me to delay starting chemo but only to January 12...so I get one week in Maui. Not what I wanted to hear or expected.
The fact that he was serious about it was more important to me as I had in my head that the chemo part of the equation was smaller, that it was really about a slim chance of recurrence, and that the drugs I would take would not be that toxic, and that I could do it while returning to work in February. Also not true. 6 three-week cycles if I can handle it, 4 minimum, of 2 pretty solid agents (one I know very well from induction chemo 1997, 2002 and even 2006 when I only got 10 days in), during which time most people can't work, and a full year of Herceptin (an antibody that helps prevent recurrence when you have Her2 positive breast cancer) injections every three weeks (not so concerned about those). My battled heart and other organs will be closely monitored as there is higher risk they will not enjoy another round with these agents, new and old, and my slightly open neck wound from the flesh eating disease skin graft may also cause some issues once my counts drop. Oh yeah, and with no chance of a port inserted into my chest due to all the trauma it has endured, my hand veins may be the only way to get this stuff in me.
So I think maybe its the whole equation that I underestimated, not just the chemo part. It seems like a calculus problem more when I thought maybe I was hoping for just a long division one. I probably should have waited to blog until tomorrow when I maybe have more ability to spin it positively. I feel like the Grinch now - ....apologies. Please enjoy your holiday festivities, food and family immensely - it is the only gift I ask for for Christmas.
5 comments:
Dear Tricia,
While it is not what we hoped to hear, we are determined to stay positive and keep praying and hoping throughout the difficult treatment process. We are grateful for your one week in Maui, which always seems to be a good place for you, and hope you have a peaceful Christmas with your family.
Love. BJ
sent from Bob's computer.
Hi Tricia,
We are sorry to hear that the chemo procedure is such a complicated and serious treatment. We were hoping you were going to be able to get your full Maui trip in before it all starts, but I see it's one week only. I know how healing Maui is for you and we hope that week brings you lots of joy.
We are thinking of you and your family today and we wish you the same gifts you wish us. Being with family is the best gift of all.
Love and peace,
Bob & Mary Ellen xoxo
Dear Tricia,
The long-division problem was already tough enough to ponder; this calculus equation is not one we even considered!
Of course, we will enjoy the festive season and will cherish the most important gift of family and loved ones who are there to share it with us. However, you will have a special place in our thoughts and prayers throughout the holiday seaon.
Don't apologies for any update that you provide the "troops". We're here to support you everyday and to toast each new day as it comes.
Take care and have fun in maui
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It's Christmas morning and we are wishing you exactly the kind of day you most enjoy. May it be one spent with family, sharing many of life's little pleasures.
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Dear Tricia, so sorry to hear that your treatment is join to be so difficult and lengthy! Enjoy Maui and know that you are in our hearts and our prayers always.
Love, Marcia xoxo
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