Gambling realities

This week included yet another "day one" - my 11th since starting this repeating daily chemo cycle last September. The week started a little shaky when my blood work showed a lower white count, which may have delayed chemo. By Wednesday however, the lower counts were no longer an issue and I received my IV chemo as usual.

The rest of my clinic visit was focused more on discussing updated information from the New York transplant and leukemia teams of doctors, as well as the Calgary team's view on next steps. It was a somewhat complicated session that is really only the beginning of more fact-finding and exchange of information. Remarkably, a third transplant under a clinical trial study is now on the table, although there are multiple questions including who, where, when and how to pay for whatever path is taken. The risks involved with such an option are tremendous, particularly with the trauma my lungs and organs experienced while hospitalized last fall, and the potential benefit unknown.

During my session I also read an written update from the doctors provided to my insurance provider that was less than uplifting. While the 'worst case' scenario must be outlined to the insurance provider, it was an odd feeling to read the words on the paper and imagine they were about me.

Over the coming weeks, I have to make some gambling decisions...do I risk ending the relatively good state of health I have now for some potential unknown extension of my life, or do I opt to not throw the dice and enjoy what time I have, with hope that something else will come along? In either case, I know I won't be certain that I'll have made the right choice.

For certain there is a lot of activity on the part of the doctors to ensure all the information is considered, all the paperwork prepared, approvals obtained, to provide me with as much help to make a decision as possible. I am fortunate to have one of the largest teams of doctors involved, with literally dozens of specialists in two excellent centres. As always, I am also fortunate to have so many friends and family supporting me as well.

For today, I'm going to get outside and enjoy the sunshine, and cheer my friend Tasha on as she tries to walk 60 km today and tomorrow in the Weekend to End Breast Cancer. While she jokes about perhaps needing to be "swept by the sweeper vehicles" stationed on the walk route, I know it is a huge challenge for her to attempt given how recent her treatments and surgery are, and want to at least cheer! Go Tasha Go!

Please don't read this post as a negative. I still have great hope that I am the exception to the statistics. I only share this with all of you because it is reality and you as my supporters deserve to know. Instead take it as a reminder that we're all really in this state of unknown odds, and enjoy today even more because of it! Cheers.