The real meaning of Christmas

I can't believe it's almost Christmas. The past three weeks have been a whirlwind, filled with absolutely amazing and unbearably terrible moments. Life continues to surprise me.

Let's start with some good moments. The weekend of December 6th, Dad made an Antonini tradition - gnocchi - for Tasha, Ryan, Talyn, my brother, Dana, Jack and Davis. The little boys even had their own "kids table". It was a great visit with lots of pasta. The following day mom, dad and I were treated to a pre-Christmas Christmas dinner at Mary Ellen's, with Bob, Marty and Karen. Mary Ellen LOVES Christmas and her decorations are remarkable - her dinner is amazing as well...so is she!

I made it to Day +180 on December 9th and had bloodwork and a number of tests. Wednesday I had another bone marrow aspirate, and Friday the 12th I had my central line removed with only a few stitches remaining on my chest. Aside from a bit of a cold that week, it was a pretty healthy 6-month marker from transplant. It is still hard for me to believe that I feel as good as I do.

As I was leaving the hospital, I looked at my blackberry and noticed a number of text messages from Tasha and quickly I circled back into the hospital parkade. As many of you may have already read on Ryan's blog, he had 3 major seizures while waiting for his radiotherapy treatment at the hospital. When I met Tasha in emergency, Ryan was paralyzed on his right side, on oxygen, could not speak, and had some vision loss. A CT scan confirmed that there was swelling in his brain around the tumour, caused by the radiotherapy treatments, and that had caused the seizures. Check out Ryan and Tasha's blogs (see the links on the upper left hand side bar) for the full story.

I spent a lot of the next few days at the hospital and arranging for someone to look after Talyn. It amazed me to see the incredible improvement in Ryan each day that I saw him...getting back the ability to move his right side, speech improvements, sight, overall awareness. By Monday he was back to his wide-grinned self and I was really in awe. The physical roller coaster he experienced was matched by an emotional one, having to deal with the real fear that he would never see his wife and son again, and even after bouncing back considerably, realizing the possibility that the tumour could be beating him. Despite this, he was able to take it in and then move forward. He restarted radiotherapy treatments Thursday, well aware that he could repeat the horribleness he had just recovered from, but knowing treatment is his only chance.

Ryan's current radiotherapy treatments are not expected to get rid of the tumour, but hopefully have a positive affect on it. Following the radiotherapy, the doctors suggest only one other option - chemotherapy combined with a drug to make the chemotherapy more effective and precise. Unfortunately, that drug is still in clinical trial stage for brain cancer, and is not covered by Alberta Health - it will cost $4800 every 2 weeks for a period of 6 - 12 months. No one has $10,000 a month, and given Tasha and Ryan's scattered ability to work over the past few years while Tasha did surgery, radiation and chemo and Ryan did chemo as well, they certainly don't.

On the very day that Ryan had his seizure, a group of friends met to discuss how to help Ryan pay for the treatment, and since then it's been a flurry of media attention covering the story and some amazing response by people. I've been the "media rep" and have been able to experience first-had giving of an indescribable level.

In the middle of all of this, I was able to make it to the PwC Christmas Party and visit with coworkers and friends (wearing a dress without CVC tubes to tuck in!). The Survivor finale did not disappoint and watching it with my fellow Survivor Chicks was as entertaining as always. I've also managed to put a few things aside to prepare for my upcoming escape from the deep freezer weather on the 31st to Maui with mom and dad! Can't wait!

This past Sunday we had brunch with Dana and Brandon and Jack and Davis opened their gifts from "Nana, Papa and Auntie Tricia". It was quite exciting and they immediately had fun with their new sets of golf clubs - they have perfected their swing and even comment when they just barely miss the plastic holes "almost". We feel their names are destined for PGA greatness given the successes of Jack Nicklaus and Davis Love III. Of course, they also loved their new blankets as they need rest for the tour!

Right now I am excited for the arrival of Colleen, Allan, Grady and Joelle later tonight and a wonderful Christmas. Earlier tonight, I witnessed one of the purest form of giving I've ever seen (and remember I've received donations of bone marrow from by brother and a stranger)...a local business man in Calgary, a perfect stranger, saw the story in the paper and came to Tasha and Ryan's house to give them a cheque for $60,000 to cover Ryan's treatment for 6 months. While he says he's "blessed to have had success and is in a position to help" I pointed out to him that many people are in that position but do not take action like he did. He doesn't even get a tax receipt! He and his wife are undoubtedly some of the nicest, most genuine people I've every met and it truly has changed the way I feel about humankind in general. Talk about giving. Talk about Christmas. And I am alive and healthy enough to witness it. Many many miracles.

I wish all of you a Merry Christmas filled with good food, good health and good company, and thank you again for all of your continued support. For 2009 I wish you joy, hope, health and happiness.

Cheers to all!

Tricia

Day + 169 Ups and a Down

In general, my own life has continued on an upward spin. I've entered back into the social scene, attending a fantastic surprise birthday party on a Saturday a couple weeks ago for my friend Linda and hanging out with new and old friends. The next day I had brunch with some relatives Art & Marlene, who I hadn't seen post-transplant. Later in the day I was entertained by almost 2-year old Alex while having dinner with good friends Doug and Michelle.

Even my personal trainer has recognized my improved strength and energy, and has kicked my workout up a notch, a sure indication things are looking up.

Things turned a little downward a day or so later, when I talked to Ryan and Tasha following Ryan's appointment to review his recent MRI. His brain tumour showed quite significant growth since the previous one in September and accordingly the plan for treatment had to be revisited by the board of doctors the following day before proceeding. It is incredibly unfair the number of times their family has had to deal with the roller coaster of cancer and I was so disappointed at the latest turn. Ryan has started a blog for his own story - please see his link on the upper right hand side if you'd like to follow it. Of course, Ryan and Tasha have been working non-stop since the MRI to look at all possible options and ways to fight - they are relentless and I continue to be inspired by their attitude to beat the odds and live life fully all at the same time.

In early November, I talked to one my oldest friends (our mothers were friends) Shelley and decided that it was time for a visit to Montreal to see her...I flew in last Wednesday night and stayed until Sunday evening. I love Montreal and was happy to explore downtown and the shops while Shelley worked (she teaches at McGill) and then enjoy bistros, tapas bars, movies and visiting with her friends in the evening and on the weekend. While I didn't think of the Grey Cup when booking the flights, it was interesting to see the various jersey-clad people around town and then watch the last moments of the game from the boarding room at the airport. The Stamps win and the joy of the passengers was consistent with the remainder of the weekend - awesome!

This week I made a couple of key appearances at some PwC events and meetings, to ease my transition plan to return to work in March. I just wanted to show my face to remind people who I was and meet some of the new faces that have arrived since my departure to New York three years ago. It was surprising to me how easy it was to rejoin the group, as well as how many people I still knew. PwC continues to be a good source of positive energy for me, and I am excited to be able to recover some of that soon. You hear right, I'm excited about working!

Just a day ago, I was able to babysit Jack and Davis for an evening with Mom, and was fully entertained by their latest sentences and ideas. "Ready or not, here I come" was followed by me crouching behind the kitchen island while Jack walked around calling "Trish?" until he discovered my hiding spot and laughed his guts out. "Again?" is another favourite. Davis pulled out all the stops with his guitar moves while dancing to the latest Wiggles tunes and had Mom, Jack and I dive under a small table to take cover from unknown "noises" upstairs!

Other than bloodwork and some medication appointments, things have been pleasantly quiet on my health front. The week of December 9th (Day +180) will include a bone density test, pulmonary function test, bloodwork, doctor visit, bone marrow aspirate and the removal of my central line. A fair bit of stuff. However, I plan to offset that by celebrating at the PwC Christmas party sans-CVC and watching the Survivor Gabon finale with my fellow Survivor PowerChicks. Of course, Christmas with family will follow quickly, as well as the excitement of spending a few weeks in Maui starting December 31st.

Are you ready for the holidays? I can't wait.