The fog

2 weeks tomorrow since round 1 chemo infusion...My last post was pretty up-beat with a solid day done and no reactions.  All good, but that night I had muscle cramps in my forearms that were enough to keep me up most of the night.  Interestingly, with the list of over 50 side effects that the chemo or the supporting drugs combined suggest, that is not one of them.  I suppose I should not be surprised given my history with the "rare and unusual" being more commonplace in my world ;)

I figured out a combination of robaxecet, rotating heating gloves and pads (thanks Colleen) and another med for night that eventually got me some rest, but the bone pain (which is on the list) also set in and the familiar crappy/mega tired/discomfort chemo feeling also layered in.  The good news - no significant nausea - no real appetite but my prior chemo experience allowed me to just eat anyway.  All said, days 3-8 are not great, physically or mentally.  Nothing remotely even close to the days and weeks post flesh-eating disease or even induction chemo for leukemia, but not fun for my now older body and mind.  Around day 9 the slight shades of improvement each day were hope that the fog was lifting, and by last Friday day 11, I felt human enough to go for an hour or so to a friend's birthday party.  Another reminder that the body is so resilient if you can tolerate when it is under fire.

Since Friday I have realized each day how crappy I was feeling as I continue to feel better and more myself each day, and get out and do normal things.   And now I have a week until it starts again.  Not sure how much will accumulate each cycle, if round 5 and 6 will feel a lot worse, or if each cycle I might enjoy the third week of feeling decent.  I also wonder if there is some brilliant thought of how to avoid the intesity of the muscular issue, so I'll give a call to my nurse and see what she thinks in case we can make round 2 smoother.

Beyond the navigation of the chemo and side effects, I've made a few plans with friends this week, and will also be a proud godparent to the twins when they are baptized a week from Saturday.  As if I didn't already have enough perspective on life, this unexpected fourth go at cancer thing is causing me to think about a lot of stuff differently again.  Everyone who turns 40 is usually forced to take stock of where they are in their life and sometimes make changes as a result (sportscars and divorces included).  I turned 40 last year, but I feel like I already did my taking stock 3 times already with leukemia, so this time is kind of bewildering to me, causing me to wonder a lot more about what I am supposed to do during this brief experience as a human being we get.

In any case, I am thankful for the thoughts, prayers and energy you sent, and for the unbelievable weather outside.  And a full week before the fog returns ;)

Mahalo for today

So off to bed right away but a quick post to let you know I survived Day 0 of cycle 1.  Overall better than could have been.  Rolled into town yesterday at 7 AM after overnight flight back from Amazing Maui, dropped my suitcase and headed in to TBCC for bloodwork and pre-chemo appointment.  Counts and all other pre-tests suggested to go ahead with chemo, so Tasha picked me up at 8 this morning and I got three chemo drugs IV until around 3 PM.  No crazy reactions that can often happen, so that was positive.  IV in hand also stood up with no discomfort, another bonus.  I noticed some minor improvements to IV machines and tape for IV (only things someone in the cancer world for multi-decades would appreciate).  Last big bonus of day was finding out my third drug actually was a better one than I expected to get - significantly (5x) less toxic on the heart.  Start the car! as the Ikea commercial goes..  Anti-nausea meds and steroids and other "covering" drugs will wear off by Thurs so then the side effects may ramp up but for now just happy Day 0 was quite a bit better than my expectations.  One day at a time - so I am saying Mahalo for today.  Cheers.

Maui medicine

Aloha from Maui :)  As usual it's paradise here.  We've been enjoying beach, pool and chill time and last night took in a magic show at a place called Mulligans a few minutes away.  The boys are loving it and now when not in the water are learning and practicing card tricks constantly ;).  Sunday we were at the beach and I thought I might try boogeyboarding and it worked...I don't go for the giant waves but boy is it great to not miss out on some of those.  And this morning Davis and I ventured out into some wavy terrain to see about snorkeling...far enough that Dad came looking for us.  I probably don't need to do any further physio for a couple of weeks!  So Maui continues to be a place that my body just loves.  And my mind and spirit.  So for a few more days I will soak it up.  Mahalo for the good energy everyone keeps sending.